Sex Tolerance

Once again, sorry I totally died off for awhile there. Sometimes life gets in the way of my sex life, or rather at least me blogging about it.

One thing I've been pondering about a lot lately is the idea you can get too use to sex, making it less pleasurable or at least harder and longer to get off. Do you think that can happen? In my head the analogy of what I'm trying to say about sex is like drugs. Much in the same way people develop a tolerance for drugs and alcohol. The first time you use you don't need much to get a great, powerful effect. But over time with constant use you gradually need more and more to get the same fix. You need greater quantities, more powerful stuff, and the high wears off faster so you need it more often. And show how, it's just not the same. You never feel the same amazing rush you can't get that totally baked crazy pink elephant high anymore. It's depressing but I think it's happened to me sexually.

I can remember a time not very long ago at all, that literally someone running their fingers down my back was exhilarating. Heart thumping, sweaty pants, damp panties exciting. I once came while laying on my back still fully dressed with just gentle caresses and teases across my lower belly/abdomen area. I remember when just gyrating against someone, feeling their heat through their clothes and the hardness of their body drove me mad with satisfaction. Dry humping was hot. I remember an incredible powerful orgasm with my current partner when he fingered me through a pair of basketball shorts. But lately those things are boring. I can't get excited, let alone off, with just a little dirty dancing. It's even harder to get off during sex. Every time its a little less good and the good fades a little quicker. And it's not one of those cases where I've become too de-sensitized due to over use of electronic aids. I used to use a vibrator multiple times a day, daily. I definitely do it less lately, but when I do masturbate I'm still fully capable of cumming. So it's not me dsyfunctioning, it just sex losing its edge.

So what I'm trying to figure out is have I developed a tolerance for sex? Is sex in general becoming less pleasurable and intense. Or is it a factor of being with one person just getting boring and routine? Being with someone new is exciting, and being with the same person is, well comfortable and nice, but not really erotic or challenging. I don't want to be shallow and have a relationship only based on sex, then I'd just get a sex buddy. But I love sex. I need sex. Sex makes me happy. Well good sex makes me happy. And I need it to be good. And lately things haven't been clicking and it's majorly bumming me out. Probably part of the reason I haven't been writing as much, for some reason blogs going "well I bumped uglies and it was almost pleasant" aren't terribly exciting. They're depressing as fuck. Almost as depressing as wanting to just be jumped and have your clothes ripped off in a hot sweatly all night sex marathon, and instead having the most tragetically self-forced mechanical 3 mintues sex that barely gets you wet.

Ugh. I'm so sexually depressed and writing is making me more miserable. More on this sexually crisis later.

Sorry I've been MIA forever. I had swine flu. Anyways...

I was reading an article called The Politics of Blowjobs by Mistress Matisse. It was an interesting reading, discussing the whole 'is a blow job degrading to women and inherently submissive?' thing.

"The blow job in mainstream vanilla culture is all about patriarchal power and casual misogyny."

I'm not really sure where I stand on the issue, sometimes it can certainly be a power trip for guy and sometimes I'm willing to play along (oh yeah, shove me to my knees and force me to suck you) but sometimes I'm not in the mood (hey, I'm taking you sweaty balls into my mouth for your pleasure, a little gratitude and respect please?). Especially when it's unreciprocated (this is a whole other festering issue which is getting a post of it's own soon). The part that caught my attention though was when she did a little unofficially survey or her male friends to determine if 'getting head always the Holy Grail of sex?'. The result: "most of the guys said they never or rarely come from cock-sucking."

What? My jaw dropped opena bit there... I'm not claiming to be a blow job expert and am pretty sure I'm of average skill. But I can basically count on 1 hand the number of times a guy didn't cum as result of a real blow job (real in the sense that it wasn't just quick foreplay to get him hard). So basically my experience is in direct contradiction with her conclusion, so I'd like to hear from all of you, have I just a encountered primarily orally satisfied guys that are not the norm, or was she and her male interviewees vastly underestimating blow jobs?

Win a Free Pure Wand Sex Toy from DangerousLilly.com!

I want. I want. I want. I want!


Lilly, of DangerousLilly.com, is giving away an Njoy Pure Wand courtesy of EdenFantasys! The Pure Wand is a high-quality stainless steel double-ended dildo for either G-spot stimulation or prostate stimulation. It is 24 ounces of solid medical grade stainless steel, and polished to a mirror shine. Lilly loves her Pure Wand and wants to spread the love to one lucky winner!

To enter the contest just visit her blog to find out the rules and entry methods. You can enter even if you don’t have a blog, it’s easy! The contest deadline is September 16th, 2009, at Midnight Eastern Standard Time.

Anyone is eligible! And if you win you have to share with me! Jk.

Free Trojan Samples

Disregard that previous post. I am a silly, silly girl and am crazy about a man who is also utterly in love with me. He showed up with flowers and chocolate for absolutely no reason the other day. Now to the actual post...

A little while back I did rant about how Trojan's Magnum XL condoms are a bit silly and total scam. While doing my research for the post I stopped by the Trojan website. For a limited time (they didn't say when though) they're offering free samples of several different types of condom. Actual sample, singular. You get one free condom per address per year. But hey, all you gotta do is enter your address and pick which type you wanna try, so it's not hard to do and hey, it's free, so if you're interested stop over and fill out the online form (takes 10 seconds) and give something new a shot.

Fun fact: I think I've only bought condoms 2 times in my life. The first time was right before my first planned hopeful sexual encounter. I bought a 3 pack from a vending machine (Mr. Happy's Hat, *eye roll*) however they sketched me out and I didn't really trust them so I ran to the gas station and got a 3 pack of Trojans since at the time it was the only name I'd ever really heard of. Sadly they didn't get used, but that's another story. I've really never had to buy condoms because as a college student I'm lucky enough to have access to basically unlimited free condoms from the health center (boy do I get my money's worth for that student health fee. Hehe). Lifestyles is the brand of choice for my school and we get the most basic ones they offer (in fact I can't even find them on the Lifestyles website) we have a choice between Extra Strength with Lubrication, or Ultra Lubrication with Spermicide. Plain and simple, no bells and whistles of warm sensation, or ribbed, or studded, but I've had no problems with them. In fact I think generally I don't even really feel them, I'm mostly a clit girl anyways. My point is with free condoms available I never buy any, but have been curious if the ribs and whatnot make a difference, so I signed up for a free sample for Ultra Ribbed ECSTASY Condom (oddly I just checked and it's no longer avilable, maybe they ran out?). I shall let you know...

Something Beautiful's Dying.

I was listening to my Top Gun soundtrack today and pondering the track 'You've Lost That Loving Feeling'.

You never close your eyes anymore when I kiss your lips.
And there's no tenderness like before in your fingertips.
Now there's no welcome look in your eyes when I reach for you.
And now you're starting to criticizing little things I do.
It makes me just feel like crying,
'Cause baby, something beautiful's dying.

I hate change. I know it can be good and it’s inevitable even if it’s not. But that doesn’t stop me from hating it. I’m not as bothered by the big changes. Moving across the country, getting a new housemate, cutting off 8 inches of hair are nothing to me. It’s the little changes I loathe, the change that’s so tiny you don’t notice it creeping up day by day. You just wake up and realize one day, things aren’t the way they were, something isn’t right, someone is just missing. It’s the slow development of bad habits, the gradual parting of friends, and the subtle loss of romance in a relationship.

It’s no one’s fault. You aren’t fighting or angry. You don’t wake up one day and hate your partner. You just slowly become accustom to them. Their cute endearing traits fade away and become unnoticed. The little ticks you never noticed become more apparent. You put up with them so awhile, but as time passes you build up a slow resentment for them and become annoyed and irritable at every little quirk. You bicker and say hurtful things. You take the cheap shots when your feeling frustrated and you say things that can’t be taken back. You lose your patience, get fed up. There's more eye rollings, dramtic sighs, 'shut up's and 'STOP IT!'s. It gets ugly. You take each other for granted and stop taking the time to truly be grateful for them or do the little gestures. After awhile you don’t cherish every second you have together. It becomes routine and unspecial. There’s no more ‘firsts’ or excitement, it’s all the same old. You’d rather play video games or organize desk drawers even when they’re sitting right next to you. You stop going the extra distance to please your partner. There’s no effort and you stop giving random gifts, having surprises, being spontaneous, dressing up for them, or wearing the sexy underwear. There’s less and less foreplay. The little touches start losing their electricity.

One day you wake up and the honeymoon is over, the magic is gone, and you can’t help but feel the lovin’ feeling’s been lost. And it’s overwhelmingly, tragically, suffocating sad.

It’s empty.

Dying Roses and Tears by RestlessDayDream

Condom Ads: Hansaplast, Oui, Oui, Oui!

Another Hansaplast ad, the same people that did a previously discussed post, seen here. This is an old one (2004) that's already made the rounds, but I still love it. Funny, creative, cute AND French!

Man Mag Bashing: The Plunge 3

Hello my lovelies! Sorry for such a long absence. Things have been crazy hectic now that the summer is over for me. Back with my man so that's fantastic but also got 10 billion things to do so I've got a major backlog in life and for the blog. But don't worry I'll be back to chugging things out soon enough! In the meantime, enjoy the brief Man Mag Bashing.

The Plunge. They have an entire 9 steps solution for Hung Over On Your Wedding Day. It starts with (1) vomiting, ends with (9) drinking, and has (2) alka-seltzers, (3) vitamins, (5) bananas and (8) lies in between.

I have a 1 step solution.

(1) Don't get trashed the night before.

:D I love making life simple for everyone.

Sexual Buzz Featued on American Virgin

Hey all, sorry I was silent this weekend. Finally got to see my man for 2 brief days. It was amazing but too short, I'm worn out, I'll talk about fun stuff later. In the meantime, I was featured in The American Virgin blog and was interviewed as part of a first perrson series regarding people's thought and views on sex and virginity. Here's a link to my interview. Stop by and check it out. I'll also repost it here. I'd love your feedback and thoughts. I talk very briefly about my experience with sexual assault, which is something I haven't yet mentioned here, but it is something I plan on discussing much more at length when the time is right. Anyways, enjoy.


This week's First Person interview comes from 21-year-old Lilith, who writes a blog called Sexual Buzz. She talks to us about recovering from trauma, how she defines virginity, and the ways in which sex can bond us to others. Please send us an email if you'd like to tell your story.

Tell us about yourself
I’m a 21 year old average female. I consider myself ‘heteroflexible,’ primarily attracted to males but not opposed to the idea of being with a women. I come from a conservative catholic family and we don’t talk about sex ever. I never even got a ‘use protection’ talk or ‘wait till your married’ talk and to this day wonder if my parents ever suspect I’ve had sex. Away from my family I’m much more liberal and open minded about sex and even recently started a blog about various things including sex.

What is your definition of virginity?
Since I have many GLBTQ friends I know the ‘penis in a vagina’ definition is not a good one for everyone, however if I had to define it in concrete terms for me and other heteronormal couples I would say sex is either vaginal or anal penetration with the penis. Using tampons and sex toys doesn't count, and I don't think anal sex is a loop hole. I gave oral sex before having sex and still considered myself a virgin at that point, although I know for many people that’s a gray area.

Why did you decide to stay a virgin?
I never decided to stay a virgin till married, however I also always knew it was something I wanted to be special, and I didn’t want to lose it during a one night stand but at least to someone I was in a safe long term and loving relationship with eve if they weren't 'The One'. I was frustrated because for quite awhile I felt like a very sexual person and was ready to sex, but wasn’t able to maintain a serious relationship long enough to be comfortable with them. Some of the guys I dated left after finding out my number was 0 and realizing I wouldn’t get ready to have sex for awhile. But I wasn’t ready to have casual sex like many of my friends.

When did you lose your virginity?
It’s hard to explain but I think of 3 different times when I think of losing my virginity. My first sexual experience was sadly date rape from a slightly older ‘mentor’ student during my freshman year of college. While at his house he drugged me, then took me back to my room, and had sex with me. I only remember unpleasant flashes of it but I know he penetrated me, thus according to my own definition taking my virginity. However, I never consented and after recovering from the incident I found I continued to identify as a virgin, partly because I didn’t even feel attached to my body at the time. However, I still struggled with the idea that he may have taken my ‘technical’ virginity.

Later I began dating someone and eventually felt ready to have consensual sex and truly lose my virginity to him both physically and spiritually. However he had some health problems and we were never able to consecrate the act fully due to problems on his part which prevented any penetration, yet I had been willing and we had tried several times so I felt that I had ‘given’ some part of myself to him, perhaps my ‘spiritual’ virginity.

Eventually when dating someone else it finally happened, we had actual penetrative sex that I agreed to. The first time was a little awkward and mechanical and just sex, but later it became making love. I told him the previous stories, and for the most part I believe we both consider him my first, just with a tiny asterisk next to it (in conversation I find myself saying, "John Smith with my first... sort of"). Generally I think of this is the ‘true’ time I lost my virginity.

Anything else you want to say about virginity?
In the end I think it’s everyone’s right to define sex and virginity as they want. I also have no problem with people who want (safe) casual sex. I just know for me sex is special and tied to emotions very strongly, a not just something physical my body is doing. Each time I ‘lost it’ I went through some difficult emotionally changes, partly because a word I had define a part of myself as my entire life was now gone. At times I wish my first time was all magical, in a field of flowers and ending in 5 multiple orgasms like I was lead to believe, but I don’t regret it. It was what it was, I can’t change it, and it has lead me to where I am now, having sex with some I love, and it truly has deepened and enhanced our bond in unimaginable ways.

Condom: The Magnum Scam

In the midst of the pre-passion romp you fall together tangled into the bed. Your hands running all over him and his over you. Then his hand snakes out to fumble through the nearby dresser drawer. He blindly rummages around with one hand while never taking his mouth from you. Finally, he finds it! His hand emergences triumphant with the glorious gold package, that's right, this man uses MAGNUMS! (Cue glorious music).

Yawn.

I can think of NOTHING more over hyped and completely unnecessary than Trojan's Magnum XL Condoms. Marketed towards "men who feel that current regular and large size condoms are too small" they are 30% larger than standard condoms and in America have developed the reputation of being a 'stud marker' among men. 'Oh Susan, did you see John has a GOLDEN condom wrapper, wow, he must be huge and a total GOD in bed!' First of all bigger penis size doesn't necessarily equal good in bed, and secondly, it always cracks me up when guys try to say that condoms are 'too tight' or 'restricting' on their massive dicks and thus they NEED magnums to accommodate their extra big size. The joy of latex is it stretches. And quite a lot. Just take a look.



So whenever a guy tries to imply he's 'too big' for regular condoms it just always comes off as the most pathetic ego trip ever. It arrogant, conceited, and delusional. FYI guys, I'm not impressed you're using a magnum, especially if you insist on using one and it's loose and slides off. In fact I'll be very unimpressed to say the least. And PS, I can feel when a condom is baggy and it doesn't feel good having flaps of latex squishing around inside me. What are you trying to overcompensate for? And who are you trying to impress, the clerk at the gas station? Cause I can SEE how big you are, and a condom with an XL label does not change my judgment, other than think you're a little sad because you feel the need to buy into a market scheme to validate yourself and impress me. Think of it this way, how would you feel if a clearly A cup girl was wearing a DD bra?

So I don't know what to make of this Trojan commercial. I like it because its promoting safe sex and saying no to those lame excuses and mocking the 'the condoms too small' line, yet it's still pushing it's golden wrapper, when in fact just about any decent condom can do that. Try it. Trust me. I just think the whole thing is silly and just wish the whole Magnum thing wasn't put up on such a pedestal.



However I do LOVE the fact the women pulled it out. Condoms are NOT just a man's responsibility and a women having some in her dresser draw doesn't make her a whore. I also love her standing up and calling him on his bullshit. Yeah woman power!

I've talked with my fair share of men about this. A few really do maintain that the base of regular condoms 'pinches' and that roomier Magnums feel better, but many more have told me they feel no difference at all. As always there are exceptions to very rule and some guy may really need them, but I doubt 90% of the guys using them actually do.

Craig's List: My Bra, I'd like it back.

One of my favorite Craig's List post ever.

ok. so i don't know really how to go about this. basically, i was your one night stand last night and need my most important idem of clothing back--> my bra. so yes, i was totally fine with the fact that when i left this morning we didn't exchange phone numbers (or names...); no big deal. but once i got home and sobered up, i realized, that we maybe should have because i left my bra at your house. first off, i want to get something clear. this is no victoria secret-esq type bra. this is an imported good were talking about. princess tam tam-french lingerie. ok. specifics about you. (what i remember.) they are not going to be too specific because my friends are on this all the time and think i took a cab home last night.

you are:
1) outrageously tall and good looking.
2) a commercial real estate broker in the downtown area, but lives in coronado with an asian friend whom i believe, was celebrating his birthday.
3) going to gaslamp saturday night.
4) really into golf, in fact went friday.
5) a fan of red gummy bears.

i am:
1) someone who obviously loves her underwear.
2) obsessed with french everything.
3) not really into children. something we have in common.
4) occasionally from time to time caught wearing my clothes inside out.
5) "anna"- (my name.) so, where to go from here.

basically, i'm willing to do whatever it takes. i can come pick it up, you can mail it to me, i can just have you leave it outside your building at a certain agreed upon time. what ever. i hope to god you don't feel weird about this, because i don't. i obviously didn't leave it there on purpose. like i said, i'm not looking for you to take me out or call me. for god's sake, i'm resorting to craigslist for a grey bra. it's just a super cute one and i want it back. plus, it doesn't seem like you'll use it. you just didn't come off as that type. please people. if this is you, or sounds like someone you know who fits this "john doe" profile, please contact me.